I could have said it, but I didn’t. I should have said it, but I didn’t. I would have said it…but I didn’t.

As a result, I find myself full of coulds, shoulds and woulds instead of the contentment their removal would have assured me.

It still feels somehow as if that feeling is only an arm’s length away, although when I remember to drink my daily/weekly/bi-annual dose of reality, I’m reminded that the distance between this current version of myself and what could have been is actually much greater.

“Help” shouldn’t feel like such a difficult word to say.

Lately I’ve been dreaming that it isn’t.

The phone rang yesterday as I sat on the verandah in the sun. It could have, it should have, it did.